Reflections: Crim Week 2008

Have I turned my daily practice into an austerity?

I can be stubborn and grim, and — think about it — what better way to set yourself down the road to austerity?

In the Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta (the first sermon the Buddha gave after enlightenment), he taught that seekers of truth must avoid two extremes —- that of the path of sensual pleasure, and that of extreme penance or austerity.

It used to be that sensual pleasure was easiest for me — Of course it was! I went to art school! In a major city! In the seventies! Now, though, austerity is the easier road. Why? Because I saw the limits of sensual pleasure, and — I guess, not surprisingly — overcorrected.

***

Did a prop-heavy inquiry-based little practice as Tyler napped. Based on Donna Farhi’s book, Yoga Mind, Body & Spirit. Deep savasana kind of trance mind throughout pretty much the whole sequence.

Realized: been bending the thoracic too low, been too “empty” in uddiyana bandha.

I am a bottom-rib projector: I love that feeling, where the bottom of the ribs feel like they’ve come loose from the rest of the torso. It’s easy to over-do (at least for me) when messing around with uddiyana bandha.

I’ve always been a little mystified by uddiyana bandha. It seems like the exact opposite of the kind of intra-abdominal pressure one uses to stabilize the spine during weightlifting.

This morning, backbending through a chair onto bolsters, it finally dawned on me that uddiyana in backbends isn’t an “either/or” situation. Not either the lower-rib expanding emptiness of what I was thinking of as uddiyana bandha OR the intra-abdominal pressure (stabilizing, but also a strong static compression) of weightlifting. Nope. What I need is the lengthening, empty expansion in conjunction with a pulling-the-lower-ribs-down to engage the rectus abdominis.

The pressure of the weightlifting “bandha” engages the lower back and obliques. The empty-uddiyana-with-pulled-down-ribs engages the front of the body.

If this doesn’t make sense to you, forget about it. You’re probably already doing it right.

Me? I had a stabilizing strategy for weightlifting (practiced daily, for decades), which didn’t work in backbends. So I threw it out and didn’t use any stabilization (just pure abandon) as a strategy for moving more into backbends. Abandon and a whole lot of pushing myself.

Yeah. Not a great plan.

Another example of how I tend to be all-or-nothing — all black-or-white.

In truth, though, I think I am actually quite adept at avoiding black-and-white thinking in my day to day projects and in interactions with other people. Where it falls down is when I try to apply it to myself.

So the physical practice helps sort it out. Though painfully, occasionally…

disco chiro, crim week, hijinks, AB mona

T12 pain sensation brought me to investigate chiropractors on the company health plan. I go to chiropractors every couple of years or so, when I need a few sessions to fix whatever I’ve done to myself.

Selected the chiro closest to the office and made an appointment for the next day. Last chiro I went to was not amused that I’d messed up my back by doing a little ricochet fall while rock climbing. Seemed to think I should bag the climbing and schedule twice-weekly chiro sessions to go on into perpetuity. How would it go with the new guy? I wondered.

Well, I guess I’m gonna call the new guy Disco Doc. Why? He’s a smooth-talking fellow who is straight out of one of the upscale martini bars here in Scottsdale. Lots of off-handed, clearly well-rehearsed one liners. Gold chain to indicate alpha status. (Though if you indicate alpha status, you are automatically disqualified. Seriously, that’s the rule. Make note.)

He seemed disconcerted by my explanation of the pain. (”It’s not too bad — I pretty much only feel it when I backbend or put my feet behind my head.”) Suggested humans aren’t meant to do such things. I find this a little distressing. Shouldn’t Disco Doc, of all people, have a deep and abiding respect for the strength and flexibility of the spinal column?

No matter. He cracked my back like a pro, and that’s really all I care about. The nightclub-quality patter can be overlooked. Unless I ever go into an appointment and find him wearing leather pants. If that happens, I’m outta there.

Anyhow, freshly cracked, I presented myself at the front desk to book my second session. “Oh, he won’t be here,” the receptionist said, sadly. “You’ll have to see the other doctor.”

Things are going my way.

***

Yup, so the T12 hurts, and the right piriformis. Primary on Friday wasn’t horribly painful, but I felt distracted by the sensations that just feel odd until I go deep enough to find the painful cream filling. And it was extremely hard to relax in supta kurmasana as Muscle Man pulled the knot of my legs tighter.

Next week is a full week of very early mornings at the office. A number of different conference calls and webconferences and presentations for different groups — all of which start anywhere from 7 to 8 AM. Plus, I have to factor in a half hour to prepare whatever technology we’re using to broadcast. So, yoga practice will be… um, different. As soon as I saw how my schedule was panning out, I told my boss I couldn’t possibly skip practice 5 days in a row. She was quite sympathetic. Suggested I practice at some point during the work day, seeing as I’ll be coming in so early.

I’ve scoured the schedules of some nearby studios and will do a combination of Anusara and Bikram classes next week. Ought to be good blog fodder, for one thing — will also give me a break from the, uh, repetitive stress of Ashtanga, brush me up on alignment (Anusara) and offer some heat therapy (Bikram).

When I first started considering my crim week, I felt like I was betraying my religion. Now I’m feeling pretty excited and amused by the whole idea.

***

Noodled around with handstands and the wall ropes as the puppy took his mid-morning nap this morning. Handstands are sucky since I haven’t been practicing them at all. This is sad, because nothing makes me happier than doing handstands for my own amusement. I really don’t think of them as yoga; much like headstands, they are just things I liked to do even before I ever took a yoga class.

And wall rope hijinks are great fun. Even though I do always wonder about how well the attachments are holding up.

done

***

May take the puppy over to visit my parents today. They live about 40 minutes away. How much of one of the seats in The Cop’s truck will Tyler be able to eat in 40 minutes, I wonder?

People ask me if American bulldogs bark. Not so much apparently. What they do, though, is moan. This video is a pretty mellow example. He can go on chewing and moaning for minutes on end, getting louder and louder. It’s hilarious. One day, I think I’ll lie under my desk at work with a chew toy and make existential moans like an American bulldog.

Feast your ears.

done

Morning, Astrology, Night

This morning, Owl and V talking about practice, minus the “look at me!” factor.

It’s the *dailiness* that makes the practice. That you do, rather than what you do.

The sheer persistance, day in and day out. The devotion.

***

“The reality of love is mutilated when it is removed from all its unreality.” So said the French philosopher Gaston Bachelard in his book The Poetics of Reverie. He meant that realism alone is not enough for human beings to live on, especially in our most intimate relationships. We need fantasy to augment the merely factual perspective. We require poetic truths to keep the rational approach honest. Without the play of the imagination, in fact, our understanding of the world is impoverished and distorted.

Awww, how long since I’ve thought about Bachelard. So romantic, so poetic…

Rob Brezsny’s Freewill Astrology

***

Tonight, I was out watering the new trees and bushes in the back yard. La de da, I was just going along relaxing and daydreaming. Then I realized: Tyler’s being awfully quiet.

And there he was, over by the new mesquite tree.

T12 or bust

Lovely holiday (i.e., no office afterwards) practice. I feel nice and strong, lately — if a little stiff — and The Archangel’s been pointing out lots of things I need to do to ground myself more. Yup, I’m vata like crazy, and left to my own devices for almost a year of self-practice has allowed me to float up out of my legs. Seriously, I practically levitate during practice. Amusing, perhaps, from a “Whoa! Soon I’ll have a siddhi!” perspective. Not so good outside that whimsical imaginative realm.

Lately my (I think) T12 vertabra is feeling kinda sensitive. And it also kinda pokes out a bit. Both of these things give me pause. On the other hand, my back now folds open much more at that point. So I’m guessing I’m on the right track in terms of opening the thoracic. If anyone knows better and wants to issue a warning, feel free.

Along with the sore spinous process (and I’m assuming another result of the focus on thoracic opening), deep muscles are sore all along the bottom of my ribcage — sides and back, especially, but front a bit, too. In Richard Freeman’s Yoga Breathing CD, he mentions expanding the back lower ribs like “opening curtains.” Most metaphorical. Or, I guess, most simile-esque.

***

This morning, The Archangel and I had a little chat after practice. He noted that my right leg is a lot harder to get behind my head in supta kurmasana. Made a comment about some things I could do, as he put it, “in your yin practice.” Huh?!? Gosh, it’s like those dreams I sometimes have where it’s the end of the semester and we’re taking finals and I have never attended the class. A yin practice? Won’t having a yin practice to support my yang practice just be one more step down the road of obsession?

I was curious to hear how he thought the Mysore program was going. Soon my initial package of classes will be used up, and I’ll need to think about renewing. The studio has a six month package that I might purchase, but I don’t want to get stuck with a bunch of classes if the Mysore program tanks. And it’s not like they haven’t killed a Mysore program before…

Anyhow, I was talking about how nice it is to practice with a teacher, after being on my own for almost a year. The Archangel used to study with Tim Miller. Apparently when he told Tim he was moving to AZ, Tim said, “That’s too bad. If you don’t have a teacher, your progress is slower.”

Yes, the independence of knowing you CAN practice without a teacher is irreplaceable. On the other hand, having a teacher does make practice a lot more… well, overt, I guess. With a teacher, there’s no glossing over your weak spots, and there’re no half-hearted attempts at the tough stuff — at least any time they’re watching. I still sometimes feel lame for going in day after day, needing the same freaking adjustments, as if I ought to learn faster or something. But in the end, I guess if you love teaching Mysore, you have extraordinary amounts of patience. If it were me teaching, I think I’d have expectations about how quickly students should be able to “get” stuff.

I thought about being an analyst, back in the day, but decided it would probably drive me crazy to hear people stuck in the same story session after session for years…

Luckily, I am not my own teacher. Oh, but wait. I am.

And, indeed, those expectations are my fatal flaw.

Sunday

The Cop was very late this morning, due to a fatal hit and run accident. The dogs and I hung out. For a moment there, Tyler even fell asleep next to Maxine. Usually he spends all of his time nipping at her and tormenting her.

Got a couple of pictures of them — amazing how quickly Tyler is growing. When we got him three weeks ago, he weighed 9.5 pounds. Today, 18.5. If he keeps up this pace, he’ll weigh 126 on his first birthday. Kidding. He’ll top out around 100.

At noon, I decided to make a special treat for myself: broccoli, sauteed slowly until burnt. Mmmmm.

Tyler, who loves the kitchen, is always super attentive when I’m cooking. Here’s a picture of what I see whenever I am at the stove. If he gets tired of waiting, he lies down. ON my foot.

Practice was catch as catch can. It’s hard to practice with a crazed dog having fits nearby. If I could let him into the space with me, he wouldn’t howl and moan. But surely it’d be hard to keep my driste as he bit my hair and nipped my triceps. I assume he will calm down someday. In the meantime, I’m grateful for the shala option. I can get over there Monday-Wednesday, and Friday. Sunday and Thursday practices will have to be more improvisational.

Actually, I have a week coming up (week after next) where I am actually scheduled for meetings at 7 and 7:30 AM Monday through Thursday. Ones I can’t ditch. Ones with attendees from outside the company who will be hearing about some new strategic initiatives. *sigh*

I have to take some time to figure out how I am going to handle this. Get up at 3 AM to practice? Not out of the question, and I’ve done it before — the only catch is that I’ll probably have to sleep in the guest bedroom and do my practice there. If I’m not on the other side of the house, Tyler will hear me and insist upon getting up and starting his morning routine of FOOD and POOPING and CAVORTING! No way am I going to be down with that at 3 AM.

Other options include leaving work early and practicing in the afternoon. Still, though, there’s the CAVORTING dog issue.

I’ll need to spend some time coordinating with The Cop and figure it out…

Home alone

I worry about what he’s up to when I go to the shala. The Cop works night shift, so between the time I leave for practice and The Cop arrives home, there is a half hour when poor Tyler is all alone.

I’ve been so worried that he is depressed without us.

So I decided to capture the depth of his sadness on a secret video.

done

Pictures from this week

Man and dog, crashed

Man and dog, crashed (Director’s cut)

What’s he eating?

Something he carried off from the kitchen

Heavy head on the coffee table

More Piriformis

Achy right piriformis when I got up. Took ibuprofen with my coffee — at least I think I did. That was my intent, but who knows, what with chasing Tyler around and making sure he did all of his business outside, etc. He definitely takes the relaxation out of mornings.

Today is Muscle Man’s Mysore morning. Six or so of us. Nice and warm. Been feeling super-strong in practice the past couple of days, and today kept the streak going. Muscle Man talked to me about keeping my feet crossed behind my head throughout the “up” from supta kurmasana. I usually uncross them as I come up, rather than keeping them crossed until I am all the way up. I have a little fear of getting stuck, I think. A little claustrophobia. Once things like this are pointed out, though, it’s easy enough to just brave through and fix them.

Got to baddha konasana and felt kind of scared. Set up slowly, then moved into the forward bend. Hey! No resistance! A little pain, but great range of motion. Usually it takes a little easing to get myself to the floor, but this morning it was one exhale all the way to the floor. Yes, I could feel some pain, but nothing I couldn’t consciously relax. Until, suddenly, there was a “twang” — what felt like a handful of stretched muscle fibers suddenly letting go. With a split second of weird sensation that might or might not have been significant pain. I popped up quickly, out of some kind of intuition. Or maybe just fear. Hard to say. Moved into baddha konasana B without any fanfare. Seems like everything is fine. I guess that was an opening.

At work now, and time for some peppermint tea and more ibuprofen. Feel some ache and a little instability when I walk, but I think that’s just things opening up.

***

Walking out of the studio at the same time as one of the guys who’d been practicing. “What a way to start the day, huh?” he said, clearly happy. “Yes!” I agreed. Perhaps a little community is starting to form…

Richard Freeman speaks, My own dogma, Piriformis

I fell behind in listening to Richard Freeman’s talks. Finally slowed down enough yesterday to download and listen to “The Myth of Technique.” (Scroll to the bottom of the page to find the download.) Well worth a listen. And (note to Sanskrit Scholar) he chants — and translates — and interprets! — the chant you taught us: the one that starts with sahana vavatu. And hey, SS, thanks for teaching me that Sanskrit is phonetic! Means I can spell, at least, even if not pronounce…

I’ve always wanted to study with RF. Not really sure why — the zen connection, maybe. Anyhow, studying with him is one of my few Ashtanga ambitions. I distinguish, here, between ambitions and “notions,” or “enthusiasms.” I have lots of energy and some means, so it’s easy for me to act quickly on notions that catch my fancy.

On the other hand, I tend to have lots of patience with ambitions. I like to watch them unfold. Notions are things that pop into my head — things that capture my imagination. Things that appeal to the Karen of “The Karen Show.” Things that I’m not particularly surprised to find in my suitcase.

Ambitions, on the other hand, evolve. They intimate themselves, rather than popping up like jack-in-the-boxes. They have lots of psychic traction before they even become conscious. And they’re way bigger than “I” am.

I will remember, though, as Owl suggests, not to take RF to induce heedlessness. Like they say in the precepts. Or DO they???

***

I have been thinking about my practice of vegetarianism and dogma. ‘Nuff said for now.

***

This morning’s practice was terrrrrrrrific. I’ve had a spate of painful, sluggish, tough-to-motivate practices since returning from the Matthew Sweeney workshop. What’s that, about a month of not-so-nice practices? Those are hard spells, for sure.

Today, though, strong and happy and focused. I was nervous at baddha konasana when The Archangel moved in for an adjustment. I pointed at my right hip and said, “piriformis,” wondering if he’d just skip the whole thing. Nope. He did a usual adjustment, with the added detail of his knee sunk into the piriformis, which was astonishingly good. Kinda reminiscent of Candice-the-Massage-Therapist thumb magic.

In the changing room afterwards, I was putting on makeup when a blond woman entered and smiled at me. I smiled back, happy, and went back to my makeup.

As I was leaving, I picked up my stuff and said, “See you! Have a good day.”

“It was really nice practicing next to you today,” she said.

It was really nice practicing next to you, too — even though I didn’t know it was you, I was tempted to say, but left it at, “Yeah, it was a good practice day today, wasn’t it?”

Sunday Tyler pics

It’s hard to get pictures of Tyler. He’s always running around and shaking his head and rolling around all over the place. So I tried video, but he flies around all over the place, and the frenetic video footage would probably induce seizures in viewers.

We’ll go with pictures for today.