Moonlight, sweetness

How sweet was that!? Worked until 7 PM last night, had a nice chat with My Gift, crashed at 9 PM, and slept until 6 AM. When I woke without an alarm. Ahhhhhhhh. How long has it been since I did that?

Sigh.

So here I am, Moon Day, no practice to be done, with a cup of coffee and time to relax and read. Sweet.

And in the livingroom, the light of the moon streaming in through open spaces in the curtains. Lovely.

***

My chat with My Gift was nice. She was feeling cheery and efficient (resembles her mom…). Seriously, she does. She has a plan in place to wake up earlier each morning to get to the gym. This is somewhat significant for her, because left to her own devices, she tends to stay up later and later, until she is going to bed at 2 AM, which of course then results in either sleeping late or needing to take a nap in the afternoon.

She was always a structured kid (yeah, I reinforced it, but she was always easy to get on a schedule). So I heard the happiness in her voice when she was telling me about the past few days — how she’d gotten up early and worked out before classes. How she could fit in a weightlifting class this afternoon provided she wear her workout clothes to art class.

We also had a discussion about how being a size 5 is not being fat. And yes, I recognize that there is something horrifying in that previous sentence. We have to tease out the part of the issue that is about one’s relationship to one’s body (which may include liking it in its familiar less-than-5 state), and the part that is culturally-induced and eating-disorder-promoting. Which is an interestingly fine line for women who are small to begin with.

Do I like the fact that My Gift has taken something she wants to change and envisioned methodical steps to make it happen? Yes!

The thing, perhaps, that I worry about most since she’s been out on her own is that she fall into the habit of thinking life happens to her. That she can’t effect whatever she desires. It’s a common belief system, out there in the world she now lives in by herself. She grew up in a different belief system here with me: the you-can-manifest-whatever-you-want belief system. The system does note that one must practice wisdom about what one wishes to effect, and that patience and graciousness are in order. And that it must all be tempered with clear priorities. But the underlying concept is that you focus on what you want and make a plan to make it happen, and then get to it. So I wish her well on this manifestation. It will show her that she can take control of her own environment/life/situation.

The thing to look out for, though, is maniacal devotion and slavish adherence. I try to be mindful of that propensity, and I guess she’ll have to grow into it, too. At worst, you get into what I think of as “Ayn Rand mind”– a state of mind that I think of as almost fascistic: where the self (individual) is subordinate to the will (the state). Haha! It’s funny to even write that down. It’s a concept I am familiar with in my own head, and it feels very real to me, but I’ve constructed it out of idea remnants in my own mind. Ah well. Unfortunately, our kids inherit the things we believe — even unstated and implicit beliefs.

And it is very interesting that My Gift is running and lifting. How apple and tree! She even mentioned rock climbing the other day, much to my horror. It’s one thing for me to do dangerous things, another entirely for her! πŸ˜‰

I transferred my Saturday appointment with Dahlia to My Gift. I think a massage will be a nice treat for her.

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2 Responses

  1. I just really liked reading this and wanted to share that with you. It’s beautiful how you talk about Your Gift.

    : )

  2. Hi Anna,

    She is very easy to love, so my job is simple. πŸ™‚

    Wishing you well on your exam!!

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