Heart, shoulder, paperclip

“Keep this,” VBG said this morning, pressing his hand between my shoulderblades after the last prasarita. I pulled my shoulderblades together even more tightly, and he said, “Don’t stress it that much.” So I backed off a bit but kept the “shoulders engaged” energy.

And I stayed with it throughout practice. All I could think was that it felt like I was pushing my heart more to the center of my body. From the back. Aw, I can’t explain it well. Suffice it to say, it was a different kind of core awareness, a heart core.

I think I was heart-sensitive because I was worrying about My Gift. Apparently she slipped on the stairs at work on Wednesday, and caught herself using her right arm, wrenching her shoulder. Back when she was 16 and had a bout with lupus, there was some damage to her right shoulder. So the little accident at work has left her very sore. And me rather worried. It’s funny how when your kid is sick, it helps immensely just to go look at them. Now that she’s out of the house, I don’t have that option. I’m sure I would have peeked into her room this morning before practice, just to see if she was sleeping well. Not that I would have been able to tell anything about her injury just by looking, but somehow it settles your mind.

During primary these days, I think about a paperclip. That’s what my back feels like, going from the forward bends into the up and down dog vinyasa, over and over. Just like one huge preparation for kapotasana. 😉 The back and forth bending of my back makes me think of how you can bend a paperclip back and forth, loosening it up. It’s very funny, how primary feels nice and soothing — I am at a point now where I don’t feel panicky about the upcoming intermediate poses. I lull myself with the primary and then just make a point not to think / freak myself out during the intermediate poses and dropbacks. One thing I noticed this morning (and am VERY grateful for): I no longer get the nauseous, cold sweats feeling I used to get during all the backbends.

Lately my little morning aches are simply about feet, shins and forearms. Weird, huh? I have no idea what I’m doing to stress my shins and forearms, but there you have it. I can not (and will not!) complain. I still remember the year of practicing with horribly inflamed hamstring inserts. I still marvel, too: what kept me going through all of that pain?


2 Responses

  1. last time i was away from my kids, i had a dream that i couldn’t find Rowan, and even on waking and talking to him later in the day, i couldn’t shake the anxiety from my heart. i just wanted to squeeze him! i wonder if there will ever be an age when i no longer feel the need to peek in on them while they sleep! i hope the Gift’s shoulder heals quickly. Arnica?

  2. Yes, it does settle your mind when your kid’s in distress and you can just see them. It’s the same thing for me even if my daughter’s having a hard time with life stuff–I feel so much better if I get to see her. Maybe it’s reassuring to know that, in spite of the rough times, she looks all in one piece.

    Was the nauseous, cold sweat feeling one of those emotional upheavals (like I wrote about in my blgo today!)? Or because the backbends are difficult?

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