Moon day, rules, cranky

It had kind of occurred to me, but The Cop reinforced it last night. He said: “All things being equal, I like to try to stick to the rules.”

Yup. The whole business of trying to figure out if I’m going to observe Moon Days takes up more energy than it’s worth. I try to adhere to the other rules of Ashtanga, so I might as well just chill on the Moon Days, right? Otherwise, it’s an unending (and unnecessary) decision-loop. Why spend energy there?

Then I woke up early. Sigh. Every so often something happens at work that sticks in my head and won’t be easily dismissed. So there I was, at 5 AM, all awake and no place to go. 😉 No, I’d already decided not to practice, so I didn’t even entertain the notion. And then I remembered: Hey, I can still do pranayama! Problem solved.

I love doing new things, because I am totally clueless, and the whole experience just is what it is. There’s no room for my ideas about how it should be or how good or bad I am at it, etc. Blech to all that “expert” stuff anyhow. New stuff reminds me of my favorite zen saying, “Not knowing is most intimate.”

Of course, in the end, the project is to bring “blech-to-expertise mind” to things I start to really care about, to things that I want to do well, etc. Somehow this concept is at play in my struggle with/crankiness about a particular situation at work.

I try to bring “don’t know mind” to all the design projects. We had a call with a potential client yesterday, and since it was such an important firm, some of the executive team attended as well as myself. The things these folks were asking us to do for them sent up a bunch of red flags for me as a designer. After the conference call, I mentioned my concerns. One of the execs said I shouldn’t jump to conclusions. Yes! Good advice. Unfortunately, she then proceeded to say that given her past experience, here’s how she would solve the problem. Okay, so we’re not going to jump to conclusions, but here’s the conclusion.

Sigh.

Now I have to try to return to “don’t know mind” with the project AND establish “don’t know mind” with the internal team situation. LOL! These are the moments when I ask myself if it wouldn’t be easier just to flip out.

But no. Re-think. Here’s an opportunity — to practice, practice, practice.

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