“There will be fear”

But there wasn’t.

This morning, I did my usual urdhva dhanurasanas. Then Volleyball Guy came over and we did assisted dropbacks. When we were finished, he went off to do something else. I had a little time to spare, so I decided to do some of my hanging back exercises.

“Let’s do that again,” I heard him say, as I came up. So I set up again and he indicated that I should go ahead and do the dropback on my own. “There will be fear,” he said, “but I’ll make sure you’re okay.”

I felt absolutely no fear at all. If Volleyball Guy thinks I can do something, and if he’s hanging around to help out, then there’s nothing to worry about.

It was actually fun to tip… tip… tip… further and further back until gravity grabbed me. Volleyball Guy caught my hips at the very last moment, so I wouldn’t crash. What fun! We did it a couple more times.

When I got home, there was a note from my boss in my email. She apologized for “spreading her high anxiety” at a meeting yesterday. I think it’s sweet that she sent the note, and I was struck by the fact that I didn’t feel anxiety. I felt tempted to tell her that every morning, I work with a practice that holds the potential to scare me, or discourage me, or make me deliriously happy, or frustrate me. And the outcome of that practice is that when fear comes or discouragement or happiness or frustration, I practice letting them go.

This morning, there was no fear, because I trust Volleyball Guy. The day will come, of course, when he’s not standing right there, ready to help. And there will be fear. But that will be okay.

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