Scaredy cat

Crazy train of thought: 1) Krink in the left sacrum. Not horrible, but there for the past week. A minor annoyance. 2) I tend to compensate when one side of me has an issue (this is true over many years of sports injuries: one side has a small issue, and a while later, I turn up with a more significant issue on the other side of my body as a result of trying to compensate). 3) Because of the left sacrum krink, I am worried about the right hamstring, which was hurt almost a year ago in kurmasana. 4) As I get closer and closer to kurmasana, I get more and more distracted. I actually think about stopping at navasana, which is something I haven’t done since…well, since I jacked up my hamstring in kurmasana. 5) I suddenly feel really hungry. 6) I should go pee. 7) Maybe I should ditch this practice and go to led class later on this afternoon.

I finally get to kurmasana, with a rather dramatic sense of foreboding, and of course everything goes off without a hitch. Like it does, um, every single morning.

I think the key to this panic was my experience in hanumanasana at Saturday led. On the second side, I can slide right into the pose quite comfortably. On the first side, though, I hover about an inch off the floor. I am reluctant to push myself on this side, since the right hammy has had its challenges. As I hovered above the floor, though, on about the fourth breath, I felt a little bit of give in the right hamstring, and it felt slightly overtaxed and reluctant. It scared me. And apparently threw me back into fear-of-kurmasana mode.

I need to really make friends with kurmasana somehow. I had this fear thing happening before, and I just worked it through by being very mindful of the breath. There’s something more, though, that needs to be done, and I’m not quite sure what it is. Making it into a game, maybe? Looking for a new challenge in the pose? Somehow it needs to be both more playful and more mindful. LOL! I have to find a way to make it fun again. Exciting. Something to look forward to.

We’ll see.

Meanwhile, I took today and tomorrow off from work. Is there anything more luxurious than waking up without an alarm, drinking coffee at one’s leisure, and starting practice when it feels like a nice idea?

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One Response

  1. Karen, I know so well the negative churning of the mind. Mine today: (1) I wonder when you become too old to do ashtanga; (2) I’m old, fat, and stiff. I can’t do ashtanga for very much longer; (3) when Tim Miller comes I wonder if I can ask him how old you have to be before you must quit ashtanga, & will people make fun of me for asking because I’m old, fat, and stiff; (4) stop telling yourself that you’re old fat & stiff because you’re so young and limber compared to other people your age–blah blah.

    Must stop sometime.

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