Don’t know what I don’t know

A zippy home practice this morning, and then I spent some time on the rope wall. Stretching my shoulders. I think I need to spend some time on the shoulders — they’re the weakest link in my backbends, though my hip flexors are a very close second.

Anyhow, lots of passive stretching over the Swiss ball, lots of stretching on the ropes, then more backbending over the kitchen stool that The Cop tailored to my needs (he cut a few inches off the legs so I can backbend over the stool).

As I lay in savasana, it was quite clear to me that the tightness in my shoulders is about fear and the tightness in my upper back is all about grief. This morning, though, what I also felt is that this tightness is guarded by a tightening around my core. If I try to relax into the shoulders/upper back (the fear and grief), there is a reactive muscular tightening around my lower ribs. Not quite sure what’s up with that yet, but certainly worth exploring.

I’m not someone who cries or yells very much. In emotional situations, I just try to be present and pay attention. That’s always been my inclination, and it’s been reinforced by years of zen practice, but the catch in the system, apparently, is that I tighten around the lower ribs and hold my breath a little in response to emotions.

So now I have my list of things to work through: shoulders, upper back, hip flexors, fear, grief, reactive response to fear and grief. An optimist would say it’s a good project: like a nice, fat novel, it’s a list that promises to entertain for a very long time.

Other news: The Cop is spending this week doing bike squad training. He does not want to be on the bike squad, but he was curious about the training and wanted to give it a try. Plus he gets to work days all week and spend lots of time on a mountain bike. Why a bike squad, you ask? It’s for policing congested higher crime areas (e.g., downtown). Ah yes, The Cop, armed, dealing with criminals. With a bike. If shooting breaks out, duck behind the bike, right? Uh huh.

A little more fear energy for your shoulders, Ma’am?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: