An “interesting” night’s sleep. The back/hip thing has been coming more and more “clear”–in a somatic sense (versus a narrative sense). As per usual, I am experiencing these changes most clearly in the hypnagogic state. So last night was a light sleep, and I woke numerous times, in all different positions, and upon gaining a bit more consciousness, I could feel places where my back was misaligned, and knew how to move to readjust it. Bodywork while sleeping. I know it sounds crazy, but there you have it. I am inspired to write about this after sitting zazen this morning, then reading Linda’s mention of the Seth material. Gosh, I read the Seth stuff decades ago, and still I love it. Yup, there’s lots of stuff out there that sounds crazy, and I was brought up to disparage them just like everyone else 😉 So call me crazy.

Lots of stuff going on emotionally about My Gift moving away for college, too. Everyone in the extended family expects me to crack up about this. I guess that’s considered “normal.” My Mom really suffered a lot when my sister, my brother and I moved away. I was listening to a podcast by my favorite Thai forest monk this weekend, and he talked about how humans make this suffering, how birds let their young fly from the nest, etc. The upshot was that you don’t own your children, that they aren’t a reflection of you, or a chance for you to re-do your life in an alternate mode. Essentially, you get this human sent to you and you help them out and send them into the world. I am down with that. I adore My Gift, but I have never wanted to make those sticky emotional overattachments that mothers sometimes try to make (sorry, Mom).

Anyhow, I am processing this change as much as possible beforehand, and seem to be working some of it through in dreams. Meanwhile, I am enjoying the time I get to spend with her before she goes. Her thrill at being out in the world will (and should) far outweigh any desire I have to keep her close.

Meanwhile, practice is rocking. There is a newfound strength–something akin to what I used to feel when I was lifting weights and just totally in the zone. Where nutrition and activity and rest and love all come together nicely.

Yup, things always change. For this moment, though, they are quite sweet. And I feel really grateful.


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