Sad day

It was a sad day for The Cop. He got home from work after 3AM and fell into bed asking me to please wake him at 7AM. Why? To watch the World Cup. When I left for work, the US was down 2-1. And that turned out to be the final score. Sigh. Sorry, Cop.

This morning I slept in. No kidding. ‘Til 6:30. I just felt run down last night, so I figured I’d get some sleep. The Cop grilled me when he got up. Kept asking me if I was okay. When I asked why, he said, “Something’s up, if you didn’t practice.” LOL! Nah, I just had a moment of non-obsessiveness, where I could look at my situation and realize the best thing to do was to get some sleep. Geez, that doesn’t sound like me!! đŸ˜‰ I enjoyed it, knowing I won’t suffer too many moments of such clarity.

So my one year anniversary of Ashtanga practice is quickly approaching. In just a couple of weeks. I’m pleased with where I’m at. It’s tempting to think in terms of poses, but the real good news here is that I love practicing and love how I feel re-aligned (even though parts of the process are still kinda painful) and Ashtanga is a terrific practice that makes my life so much fuller and more calm than I ever could have imagined. It makes me grateful and mindful and content.

I imagined, when I started out, that I’d have a pretty good grasp on primary by the end of a year. And I feel like that’s played out pretty much as I’d figured. I was thinking about Marichy D the other day, and I suppose that pose has been the real challenge, along with Supta K. The thing that’s kind of interesting is that Volleyball Guy has always left me to wrestle with Marichy D on my own. Psychologically, it’s like untangling a ball of string: a long process with much potential for frustration. Supta K, on the other hand, is just simply more about physical opening and the subsequent physical ability. Once my hips open more, the pose will be easier. Oh, and there’s a little fear about having my leg behind my head and my head falling off. That theory will be easy enough to disprove, though. Eventually.

Anyhow, Marichy D has taught me most about patience and persistence. Actually, it’s taught me about my own impatience and greed. Seriously. I look back and think: gosh, a year goes by so quickly, and then I realize that I was frustrated with Marichy D after just a few days and weeks. Silly.

At this point, I can always bind my fingers, but the resulting pose is pretty ugly and squished. So these days, I’m grabbing my fingers and then moving on (even to the point of letting go of the bind) to work for a longer spine and more general extension. Why do I have to grab my fingers first? Ego. Ego. Ego. Ego. Okay, fine. I suppose the practice has brought me to a point where I can see that I have ego issues and then I can go on to actually look for the grace in the pose. Dorky, I know, to hang on to the ego. But there you have it. I can’t transcend myself in one fell swoop.

You know, though, it rocks. I’m sure Volleyball Guy knows why I do my weird ugly pose with a bind and then move on to the more graceful version. I’m sure Sanskrit Scholar and Crim Girl would know why, too, if they were watching. And I like being accepted as the ego-driven obsessive person that I am. ‘Cause all of us are looking for the same thing. Freedom. It’s pretty sweet.


2 Responses

  1. Actually, your instincts are on target, I think, at least in Mari D. If I am not mistaken, you are SUPPOSED to bind and THEN do the bulk of the spinal lengthening and twisting. That is why our teachers get us into the bind and then twist us once we have our grip. So, it’s okay that you are focusing on the bind – it’s not greed. It’s just good sense!

  2. What a generous response. Thanks, Lauren. I hear what you’re saying about the bind. My greed, I think, was about my *intent*–I was all about getting the bind. Obviously, though, it all works out in the end.

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